i felt the earth move when you said goodbye.

the record spins,

and so does my brain

“just let me hear your voice,

just let me listen.”

i’m falling slowly

and definitely apart.

all these hopes 

hanging on the line,

clothespinned 

and blowing in the wind.

no trains, 

no planes, 

no highway tracks

leading you to me,

just strangers passing through.

no you, 

i know you, 

i know fear,

loneliness and distance.

all these hopes

hanging on the line

keeping my heart weighed down.

hands.

i felt you underneath.
your cracks growing,
separating into wounds.
crimson flow,
no kiss could mend.
i felt it hard.
like bricks on bricks,
five hundred and one
sitting on my heart.

i felt the tear.
shadows slipping,
seeping through.
i felt it sweetly.
passing over bones,
bare, in solitude
seeking new salt.

i felt your storm.

my ship waits.


i felt your hand.
the inches between
like oceans.

breathless,

we found shore.

nights like this still exist

how long has it been?
since eyes sunk me down
and my heart beat faster
and not from fear
how many days?
since mornings were light
and not hidden under covers
a million and a half hours
since awkward sighs
and tongues tied
all the years in between
feel forgotten
on a night like this
and i can't tell the difference
between smoke
and our breathing

if you're in the dark, turn on the light

look out, i'm coming
like a train
holding on tight
hold tight, keep track
keep me on track
silver seeps, heavy
yesterday was drowning
i'm heading upwards
forwards, and lighter
four words:
i am everyday new
i am everyday new

love songs on repeat

just one second
i remember the sound of it
your voice, on repeat
always laced in piano and strings
singing those words
i swear, it was just for me
and every hour feels like this
waiting, scraping by
with memories of an old song
sung by someone i once knew

ship swallows sea

this feels so fragile
and i feel so small
like a swallow stuck
like a ship lost
i'm a ship lost at sea
the trees are falling
all around me
and all i can see
is you
you don't even know
you don't even know me

keep it in the ribcage

i wonder if he lies awake
aching heart and sighs
i'll never be good enough
he's up in the sky
and i'm buried under snow
so deep he won't come lookin'
too much time with a girl like me
he'll know there's nothing more to find
but i lie awake, never-ending nights
aching heart and the longest sighs
breaking apart sentences i never put together
he'll never get to break my heart
'cause i'll never let it touch my sleeve

sometimes in the winter, my heart melts.

yesterday felt like eternity
the rain never came
to wash away my thoughts
of snow and the city lights
your eyes, all of those colors
and how it was never right
maybe your heart is cold
but my bones are ice
if you try and touch me
i might shatter into
tiny pieces at your feet
and maybe you'd scoop me up
without even a thought
and take me home.

i'll make it look like it never happened.

cold, you shiver
looks like rain
looks like stormy weather
ice, your stare
looks to kill
stare straight through
empty hands, lonely hands
no one understands
hollow, my heart
fall right in, then out
there's nothing there
there's nothing there anymore.

nevermind.

i'm daydreaming of a ghost
inside these hollow walls
pressing my fingers against the edges
trying to find how i got here
your silence has got me numb
we might as well be together
floating through walls
i've turned my eyes and ears off
my brain can only process your absence
but you were never mine to miss
you were never mine.

there's chaos behind those eyes.

i've got pride
layered lies
underneath my eyelids
you've got words
few and far between
short sentences
the end period
i've got this need
growing like a disease
i need it all
the memories
and fantasies
the shadow overhead
it's dark, real dark
and i see no cover in sight.

i'll never tell.

i have a faulty heart
beating in untimely beats
bleeding on my sleeve
and everyone stares.
my imperfection is
getting the best of me
and you, you are so innocent
three hundred something miles away
and you're perfect, in your solitude,
unaware.

i wish it wasn't so.

there was fire in your veins
in that summer of salt and rain
pictures of empty rooms
burned into your memories
turning pale under the streetlight
you swore upon your life
that it was all fiction and smoke
and nothing could feel this way
like drowning under icy waves
over and over again
now you're left with missing pieces
and every breath leaves you hollow
knowing that there is another day
of going backwards all alone.

this is only temporary.

i'm filled with paper waves
creating ripples in my veins
starving to the bone
i've got my suitcase clutched
in my shaky hands
walking away feeling empty
worried about my posture
faking smiles, not all the way
i want your arms on either side
my safety, my goodbye

i give up.

i want to dissolve
into the trees
fall asleep
inside its leaves
and just wait
for you.

when i said what i said, i didn't mean anything.

i want to crawl inside, behind your eyes
i could live inside your underlines,
in between your pencil lines
pick apart your brainy thoughts,
and make a nest
in the bottom left corner
of your beating heart.

i want to make a mistake.

i can feel myself slipping
the space between
my bones and skin
red and screaming
torn in two
the flood or dry land

this could very well be the truth.

i'm so scared
that you don't ever think about me
and terrified,
that you are all i think of
and i want to go back
and say how i felt the second i felt it
and tell you the truth,
everything about me
like i wanted you to keep me safe
and i'd have held your hand any day, every day
but i act so tough with all my heavy walls
you broke them all down,
but i made you think they were made of stone
and now i think you're made of the same
when i saw you there, standing in the dark
my heart skipped a beat for the rest of the night
i'm not so tough, i'm not so brave
i hugged you and i felt sadness and joy
i wanted everything to be in a different place
and your stare would have lasted minutes longer
and i wouldn't have turned and walked away.

rainy days and mondays always get me down

i'm sick inside
my head is full of bees
attracting the opposites
i am only a distraction
no stars tonight
i'm covered in the dark
floods and moths right oustide
i wish you'd open my door
and i'd wash away
no boat in sight
i'd wash away under an empty sky

sometimes these things happen.

cold air blowing from the ceiling
sad songs coming through the speakers
crying like i did when i was younger
even my bones feel all alone