i'll never tell.

i have a faulty heart
beating in untimely beats
bleeding on my sleeve
and everyone stares.
my imperfection is
getting the best of me
and you, you are so innocent
three hundred something miles away
and you're perfect, in your solitude,
unaware.

i wish it wasn't so.

there was fire in your veins
in that summer of salt and rain
pictures of empty rooms
burned into your memories
turning pale under the streetlight
you swore upon your life
that it was all fiction and smoke
and nothing could feel this way
like drowning under icy waves
over and over again
now you're left with missing pieces
and every breath leaves you hollow
knowing that there is another day
of going backwards all alone.

this is only temporary.

i'm filled with paper waves
creating ripples in my veins
starving to the bone
i've got my suitcase clutched
in my shaky hands
walking away feeling empty
worried about my posture
faking smiles, not all the way
i want your arms on either side
my safety, my goodbye

i give up.

i want to dissolve
into the trees
fall asleep
inside its leaves
and just wait
for you.

when i said what i said, i didn't mean anything.

i want to crawl inside, behind your eyes
i could live inside your underlines,
in between your pencil lines
pick apart your brainy thoughts,
and make a nest
in the bottom left corner
of your beating heart.

i want to make a mistake.

i can feel myself slipping
the space between
my bones and skin
red and screaming
torn in two
the flood or dry land

this could very well be the truth.

i'm so scared
that you don't ever think about me
and terrified,
that you are all i think of
and i want to go back
and say how i felt the second i felt it
and tell you the truth,
everything about me
like i wanted you to keep me safe
and i'd have held your hand any day, every day
but i act so tough with all my heavy walls
you broke them all down,
but i made you think they were made of stone
and now i think you're made of the same
when i saw you there, standing in the dark
my heart skipped a beat for the rest of the night
i'm not so tough, i'm not so brave
i hugged you and i felt sadness and joy
i wanted everything to be in a different place
and your stare would have lasted minutes longer
and i wouldn't have turned and walked away.